Sarah Alexander

It's time to start attending antenatal classes. Susan need a back-up birth partner, Steve is haunted by the ghost of spanking lesbians past and Sally is seeking the solace of a string quartet. Meanwhile, Jane is trying to find a way to out-keen Oliver.

Since the dawn of time, men and women have been falling in love - and men have been trying to get straight home afterwards. Can fallen playboy Patrick Maitland ever find his way home from the Enchanted Glade of his one true love and get a decent night's kip? Kate Isitt as Sally makes her singing debut.

Late at night and a phone call that Will Not Die. You know how sometimes you can't get someone off the phone? There are too many people in this phone call. And one of them isn't really there. Meanwhile, Susan is worried she's turning into an emotional tent; she and Steve are now well and truly an item – so why is he dreaming about being executed by a method Never Before Seen on British Television - and chased by a foetus with an axe?

Jane's attention has been caught by Bill, a stunningly handsome guy in the bar. Lust at first sight, contact is established. Although Jane has been a bit horrible to his friends, Bill suggests she join him for dinner the following evening at his place. Meanwhile Patrick needs a pretend wife just for one evening. He and a colleague Ivan are fiercely competitive; Ivan recently got married, so naturally Patrick has invented a whole marriage. Amazingly,...

Jane finds herself competing with the Supreme Being of the Universe. She feels it isn't fair on either of them. Jeff has been going out with Julia for some time. But then the disconcertingly lovely Wilma propositions him in the stationery cupboard. Meanwhile Jane meets and quickly unnerves the ruggedly handsome James under similar circumstances.

Three eggs, three women, three possibilities. Now Sally's blurted out how she feels to Patrick and has convinced herself it's not meant to be. More importantly, she really, really doesn't want to produce a bald, noisy thing that will destroy her life - and decides to use Jane and Susan as a pregnancy control test, which leads to some unexpected revelations.

Following an argument, Steve and Susan split up and make their separate ways to the Temple Of Woman. The entire episode is shown in split-screen. Susan is furious; Steve is as indecisive as ever. They are both sleepless and miserable. Steve seeks solace in lager, dirty video games and reaching for the phone, Susan in a soggy handkerchief and a self-help book about soul mates, faith and why men are rubbish.

Jeff is in the cramped store cupboard searching the shelves. His new boss Julia enters. He's struck by her amazing 'top of the range' eyes and the fact that she is 'covered in breasts.' Meanwhile Julia tells Susan she's met someone 'edible' at the office. But is it ever acceptable to kiss someone really junior at work? And was there really detectable NAT between them? (NAT: Noise Avoidance Tilting - the first signpost on the road to intimate squelching.)...

Sally is having a drink with a complete oaf called Brian. She spots Patrick with a bunch of business cronies and begs him to rescue her, which he does in true tripod style. Soon they are drinking to Code Red and wondering whether they should have got indelicate together. The next day, Sally decides they should do it - now, a one-time-only offer. He's got the builders in, her flatmate's at home with 'flu; but she has the key to Susan's flat and arranges...

Something stirs in Sally's bedroom. It's three in the morning, and Patrick has been called out to rescue Sally from a spider in her bedroom. This event causes them both to reflect on their very different recollections of their first meeting at Susan's office party 4 years ago. While Jeff expounds on Porn Jelly and his eight thousand names for breasts, Patrick has to face an uncomfortable truth. Is there some kind of emotional thing with Sally? What...